The Perfect Solution (to Ending the War in Ukraine) - A Parody

By Dr Joseph J Bucci July 29th 2023

I have the perfect solution to end the war in Ukraine. It’s original and it will work! But better yet- It's Biblical. I cannot wait to tell you about it! But first, let’s talk about where we are.

The Russia-Ukraine War began in February 2022 (Statista, 2023), and it shows no signs of ending anytime soon, since there is no talk of peace on the horizon (Abelson, 2023). The conflicts in the region have been ongoing since 2014, with numerous efforts to end the violence (CFR, 2023). While on the one hand peace efforts were started and stalled, escalation through further troop deployments has kept the tensions simmering (CFR, 2023). Recent escalation through the deployment of additional weapons systems sent to the Ukrainians has the region on edge (Abelson, 2023). After seventeen months of war there is no clarity on how to end it (Luttwak, 2023). That is why my idea is brilliant! There is a way to end this conflict once and for all – and it can be done now!

I propose that the leaders of the two nations face off in a field together just like David versus Goliath. As a matter of fact, the protagonists in this war are so much more like David and Goliath than we choose to recognize. Zelenskyy is Jewish, as is his defense minister, Oleksii Resnikov. (Luttwak, 2023). So certainly he would be mindful of the boy David’s efforts against that great monster Goliath (see 1 Samuel 17, English Standard Version). Zelenskyy’s height at 5-foot, 7-inches even gives him that little boy appearance. So far, so good, right?

Meanwhile, Russia is the “Evil Empire” (Goble, 2022), so-called by our own President Ronald Reagan, and seconded by Ukrainian President Zelenskyy (Goble, 2022). And the Russian leader Putin is evil personified, at least that is what our media want us to believe. Our own President Biden called Mr. Putin “a killer” (Horvath, 2022). While not as tall as the Philistine Goliath (1 Samuel 17: 4,ESV), Putin nonetheless fills in that scary towering evil role. Perfect! So we are all set!

My plan would be to call Vlad and Zele and talk up this very provocative challenge. We would need a ceasefire, and then an agreement on a setting for this epic battle. They could both save face with the knowledge that after the media buildup to this challenge of courage, this whole war of attrition thing can be ended very quickly (Kullab, 2023).

And of course, I have the perfect setting! Since this ongoing conflict has caused many to suggest that we are inching towards World War 3 (Abelson, 2023; Fleitz, 2023), why not go all the way! Let's stick with the Biblical references and take this final challenge all the way to the valley of Megiddo in Israel (McNeely, 2006). That's where the Biblical final battle of the Antichrist and the returning saints’ forces is scheduled to take place (Revelation 16:12, 14, 16 ESV). We could invite a contingent of the combatants to witness this challenge of gladiators – the real powers behind this fight: the US and NATO forces on one side, Russia and China on the other; each rooting on their champion! I am getting more excited just imagining the possibilities!

I would solicit Dana White and the UFC to help us stage this showdown – make it PPV! We’ll skip the cage, and plop Vlad and Zele somewhere in the valley, with their own dressing rooms and an equal number of deadly 1st century fighting tools: javelins, spears and swords… (see 1 Samuel 17, English Standard Version) and of course – slingshots!

We can take the proceeds from this duel to the death and use them as a small token to help pay for the rebuilding of the now flattened Ukrainian economy. The cost of rebuilding is going to be astronomical, but I think if we pull this off, there's a good chance we can make a little bit of money to contribute toward that cause. The US Government has already invested $44 Billion in security support to Ukraine (US Department of State, 2023). This is three times what the rest of the world has contributed; and about one-quarter of Ukraine’s Annual GDP (Masters, 2023). So c’mon World, here’s an easy way to “pay your fair share.” Get your media to hype this epic confrontation!

I think both men are well equipped for this fight to the death and will need little training. Our buddy Putin is a former Soviet KGB secret police officer. I'm sure he's got daggers and guns all over him. On the other side we know that the Ukraine's president is really good at twisting arms to get what he wants. I wonder if he knows how to use a slingshot? This is the epic story of good versus evil, of a young man defending his nation against a great evil force. It's the perfect way to resolve this conflict!

Before we get any further with this, I hope it is apparent why the subtitle of the article calls this “A Parody.” There is really much more to the situation than we are being told. There are deeply rooted nationalistic tension between the two sides (Masters, 2023). According to one article many analysts do not perceive the prospect of a diplomatic resolution in the short term (Masters, 2023). The involvement of NATO and the West has been a flash point, and the proud Russian leader will not easily concede defeat, although some news services have already announced this (Cole, 2023). Ukraine is not the innocent little sister in this conflict, but known to be one of the most corrupt nations in the global market (Ernst and Young, 2018). Escalation of the conflict will continue, and only God knows where it might lead. Putin sees his Russia and Ukraine as one people, occupying the same historical and spiritual space, according to one article (Masters, 2023). This does not bode well for a peaceful co-existence.

Regardless of these political overtones, I see a perfect opportunity for us to really get some mileage out of this fight-to-the-death battle between the two leaders. How else do you suppose this battle is going to end?

(Joseph J. Bucci has served as a Pastor, Author, HR Director, Director of Training, Professor and Consultant. His new book, Redemption Inc. was published in 2022. Contact Dr. Bucci at joe@josephjbucci.com)

Sources:

- Abelson, R. (2023, July 14). Orbán: “USA Could End this War in Five Minutes – Bringing Ukraine into NATO Means World War.” The Gateway Pundit [Web Blog]. Retrieved from https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2023/07/orban-usa-could-end-this-war-five-minutes/.

- BibleStudyTools.com (2023, February 14). David and Goliath – Bible Story. BibleStudyTools.com [Web Reference]. Retrieved from https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-stories/david-and-goliath.html.

- Cole, B. (2023, July 25). Russia Has Already Lost World War III, State TV Says. Newsweek: World Report [Web News Blog]. Retrieved from https://www.newsweek.com/russia-ukraine-solovyov-world-war-1815082.

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- Hoffman, D. (2000, January 30). Putin’s Career Rooted in Russia’s KGB. The Washington Post Foreign Service. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/inatl/longterm/russiagov/putin.htm.

- Horvath, R. (2022, October 19). The banality of Putin’s evil. The Lowy Institute: The Interpreter [Web Blog]. Retrieved from https://www.lowyinstitute.org/the-interpreter/banality-putin-s-evil.

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- McNeely, D. (2006, February 7). A Place Called Megiddo: The World's Battleground. United Church of God: Beyond Today [Web Blog]. Retrieved from https://www.ucg.org/world-news-and-prophecy/a-place-called-megiddo-the-worlds-battleground.

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- US Department of State (2023, July 25). US Security Cooperation with Ukraine. US Department of State: Fact Sheet, Bureau of Political-Military Affairs. Retrieved from https://www.state.gov/u-s-security-cooperation-with-ukraine/.